AskEW

I stood there staring at the moon,

Scared, confused, in that white walled room.

A shadow with a marbled stare,

Wondering how the fuck I had gotten there.

My head spun my thoughts askew.

My heart beat, skipped a couple, then a few.

I had stopped to smile, sing or cope,

Grasping at straws, starving for hope.

Dusks made me cry, stopped my breath,

As I blindly edged towards my own death.

My head spun my thoughts askew.

My heart beat, skipped a couple, but no one knew.

A hollow body was my only salvation.

To control my thoughts, pain and emotion.

Theoretically, ideally to escape my own hell.

Because in theory, all is good all is well.

Granted, the delusion was all mine.

I shrunk, didn’t stop the clocks or turned back time.

Suddenly people noticed the abyss I was in, the pain I felt,

But it was too late, the cards were already dealt.

My head spun my thoughts askew.

My heart beat, paused, paused, paused anew.

After days, weeks, months of clinical moon gazing.

Demon fighting, endless talking, agonizing,

Layer by layer and stone by stone,

I rebuilt a life and the gremlins were gone.

Ten years on I am grateful for the battle I fought,
Thankful for those I love and what I have be taught,
I do not seek your pity nor judgment but understanding,
We all have our demons, mine happen to have been outstanding.

My head still spins but my thoughts are new.

And my heart beats, beats….and beats, phew….